John here. Since it's been a while, this may end up being a fairly long post.....
So, Claire is back from her jaunt abroad - thank God! She has actually been back for good couple of weeks at this point, but we have been far too busy catching up to think about blogging. And whilst yes, of course I mean catching up in the euphemistic "having lots of sex" sense, we have been catching up emotionally too.
When we first planned this blog, I think we figured that the emotional aspects of swinging/polyamory/sex with other people would be an interesting thing for us to talk about, and that the blog would give Claire and I a chance to perhaps vent or sound off about things. As it has turned out, jealousy and anger have played virtually no part at all in our new lifestyle. We have, so far, swung with various different couples without any feeling of guilt, upset, or concern. It has been lots of consensual, mutual fun with very sexy people! Well, that was up until Claire's trip abroad.
Weirdly, it wasn't Claire attempting a booty call with an Ex that particularly caused a problem. Partly because that didn't wind up happening - apart from a bit of friendly boob gropage, nothing happened between Claire and her ex - and partly because the booty call date with the ex was at the start of her trip. You see, I was okay about the date because I hadn't had much chance to brood on it, and because I wasn't yet missing Claire madly. She had only been gone one day.
(Just to explain the date thing..... as it transpired, Claire went for the date with the ex, and he wasn't really in a place where he was up for casual sex. He was just embarking on a new relationship with someone he really liked, and as he said to Claire, he just didn't want to have to 'fess up to her later on. Admittedly, he did go in for a bit of boob action as, you know, he is only human! There exists very little in the world that can resist the allure of Claire's boobage! Anyway, on with the story....)
The real problem transpired after Claire had been gone for over a week. By this point I was pretty much a wreck. Mopey, depressed, and missing her like mad. There'll be guys (and gals) reading this thinking "She's gone a week and he's a mess? What a fucking pussy!" or some variation thereof. To be honest, that thought crossed my mind too! I hadn't exactly planned on falling to pieces emotionally, and it isn't something I make a habit of as a general rule. But....... there were lots of things contributing to my fragile state. Claire was gone, and off having fun - catching up with old friends, doing holiday-type things, and actively looking to pull as well. Meanwhile I was baby-sitting and dealing with all of the normal mundane day-to-day type things of being around the house. I was off work but stuck at home, sorting out our finances, dealing with a broken down car, tidying up clutter, and doing lots of cleaning. Whilst Claire was out at a raunchy burlesque show, I spent the day clearing out the garage and doing runs out to the local tip. When she was socialising with her poly-amorous friends, I was taking our son to his various clubs and activities, and tidying up the loft.
So, yeah, I got jealous. Claire had planned a night out clubbing, during which she intended to find a guy to pull. I wasn't really jealous of her sleeping with another guy, more that she was in a position to be able to pull another guy. I was jealous because she could go out to a club and pull some guy, whereas I could not. Not only could I not get to the club in the first place due to parental responsibilities, but I couldn't even pull in a club if I could! I cannot dance, I hate trendy nightclubs, and I'm terrible at chatting people up. I'm too honest and deadpan. I also take rejection waaaay too personally. If I go on the pull, and the first woman I talk to isn't interested, I tend to lose what little swagger and confidence I have, and ruin my chances.
Anyway, I decided to be a sensible human being, and admit that actually - for once - I was not okay with Claire going out to sleep with another guy. Part of me felt like a wimp for wanting to pull the plug on her fun, but another (perhaps more sensible) part of me reasoned; "The whole point of this is for both of us to have fun. If we are not both having fun, we shouldn't do it. We always said we would both have veto-power; we wouldn't do anything if we weren't both 100% okay with what we are doing. I'm now NOT okay with it, so I need to say something". Once I made the mental decision to tell Claire to give the casual sex a miss, I felt better, and went to call her.
One problem; try as I might, I couldn't get in touch with her. Time-zone differences and dodgy mobile phone connections meant I just couldn't reach her to tell her to stop. That night wasn't fun at all; for the first time I was properly jealous. I found myself mentally picturing her with some random other guy. (Why is it that the guy I pictured her with is some 6'3'' burly blond guy with stunning good-looks, Hollywood white teeth, a 10 inch cock and biceps the size of breeze blocks?!?!). Even then, I was chiding myself with my own foolishness - why should I actually be bothered about her being with another guy on that particular night, when on multiple occasions since we have been swinging I've watched her fucking and sucking other guys with reckless abandon, and nary batted an eyelid?! On the face of it, it doesn't make much sense. But then, I suppose, that's emotions for you - they are not always (or often) rational. There can be a big gap between what makes sense, and what feels right.
Well, as it transpired, Claire had decided not to go on the pull that night anyway, as she was too tired in the end. So I felt relief, and she did too as we discussed our feelings in greater depth the next day. We learned some valuable lessons, I think, or perhaps we re-learned them. We learned that it is really important to maintain good communication, even if you have had nothing but positive experiences so far. We learnt that whilst all of our various sexual explorations up until that point had been nothing but fun and joyful, we shouldn't be blind to the possibility that a particular set of circumstances could be difficult and divisive. I think we learnt that, for us, whilst meeting couples as a couple is a relaxed and easy thing, either of us meeting another individual is fraught with more issues. That isn't to say we won't do it or explore it, just that - perhaps - it was daft of us to try this whilst separated by several thousand miles and a few time zones. We learnt how much we miss each other - it wasn't just me missing Claire; she missed me too! And, and this is obviously the best one, we learnt that our relationship is really strong, and it'll take more than a miscommunication and unnecessary jealously for us to be in serious trouble - or for us to consider curtailing our extra-curricular activities!
So, not a particularly funny update - but a truthful one! Next update should be a bit more upbeat, as one of us will blog about our first visit to a swinging club!
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