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Monday, 30 April 2012

Not so much "Shabby Chic" as just "Shabby"....

Hi all, John here again.  I'll have to give Claire a good spanking if she doesn't pull her finger out and get blogging soon!

So, our latest escapade was visiting a club for the first time.  This club wasn't a "loud repetitive dance music, overpriced cat's piss masquerading as beer, girls chucking up in the corridors" type of club; but a swinging club.

We decided to try the club after finding ourselves, once again, with impromptu childcare on a Wednesday evening.  It's a pretty tall order to find another couple to fuck randomly on a Wednesday evening, but we tried anyway!  Claire and I both got dolled up, and went online to one of our swinging chat-rooms.  As per usual, there were plenty of single straight- and bi-guys who were well up for meeting, but we were really in the mood to meet with a couple.  Besides which, I have a (fairly) strict cocks to boobs ratio of 2 boobs per 1 cock.  It was always going to be a long-shot; there aren't many couples who, at 6.00pm on a Wednesday, can and will drop everything and go around to a random strangers house for sex!

So, we decided to try plan B, which was a swinging club in a nearby city.  Claire was very keen - I took a bit of convincing.  Claire tends to be much more outgoing than me; I enjoy myself once I'm out and about, it's just getting out and about that can be difficult sometimes.  We spent quite some time getting ready - showered and pampered, and into some smart-casual wear.  Claire also took the opportunity to quickly shave my bits.  I don't know if any of the men who read this have shaved their bits, (or had them shaved by a partner), but I find it nerve-wracking at the best of times being shaved.  Being shaved quickly turned me into a quivering wreck.  Having a blade moving so swiftly over my testicles left me clutching the bed covers so tightly my knuckles went white.  Still, everything went well, I was not inadvertently made into a eunuch, and we drove off to the club at around 9.30pm.

The club was in a particularly dodgy part of town, with down-at-heel industrial units and high-rise blocks of flats all around, so not exactly a welcoming environment.  I was convinced that being a Wednesday night, the place would be empty, but when we got there, there were a good number of cars parked on the street outside.  So, we parked up and went inside.

The interior was very much like an office from the 1980s, with fading carpets and dim lighting; not exactly welcoming, but about what I was expecting.  We arrived at a door, with a little window to the side.  Upon ringing a bell, the proprietor - a 50-something larger guy - had us fill out some forms, check our ID, and let us in.  He was pretty friendly, and gave us a quick tour of the club.  It had around 20 - 30 patrons in at that point; I'd say about 75% men, 25% women.  The club had a lounge area and bar, with couches, a pool table, and porn on the TV (the delightfully-titled "Council Estate Skanks").  There was a smoking room off to one side, then on the other side  a changing area, a sauna, toilets and showers, a couple of lockable bedrooms, a lockable dungeon room, and some open play areas and viewing areas.  Most of the patrons were wearing the club-supplied dressing gowns, but some were fully clothed.

Well, since we were there to play, not just browse, Claire and I got changed into underwear and dressing gowns, got ourselves a soft drink, and sat down in the communal lounge to see what was what.  I noticed then that behind the bar was a bank of televisions, with CCTV footage of the street outside, showing all the parked cars.  I couldn't decide if this meant our cars were safe or not.  On the one-hand, anyone trying to nick a car would be spotted pretty quickly.  On the other hand, what would happen if they were spotted?  Would they be confronted by 20 or so middle-aged men in skimpy dressing gowns, with penises in varying degrees of erectness poking out of the front?! It could result in some Benny Hill-esque chase through the less salubrious parts of town, only with blokes in dressing gowns, rather than girls in lingerie...

As we sat in the club, eyeing up potential partners, we were soon pounced on by a single guy who came over to chat.  He was very friendly, and Claire is very chatty, so we all chatted away for a while.  He expounded on how difficult it was as a single bloke at one of these clubs, since unless someone particularly liked the look of you, the chances are you wouldn't get lucky.  I made lots of noncommittal, smile and nod type of responses, whilst Claire carried on engaging him in conversation.  We made it clear we were looking for another couple, and he graciously suggested he could fuck off if he was cramping our style.  I'm thinking "Yes please!" whilst Claire is saying out loud "No, that's okay!".  Honestly, that woman would have been perfectly happy sitting there, drinking diet coke and talking to increasingly horny and frustrated men all evening!

Fortunately, there was another couple who came in, and - like we had earlier - got the "first timer's tour" from the club owner.  As the only other couple in the lounge area, they soon came across to chat, and we all started talking.   (For the sake of exposition, I'll call them Rachel and Carl).  After 10 - 15 minutes of small talk, they went to get changed into the dressing gowns, and when they came back from the changing area, we asked if they'd like to find a room together for some fun.  They had only come that evening to see what it was like, but decided "what the hell!", and agreed.  Rachel and Carl got up and left the lounge, followed by us.  Behind us, about 6 or 7 dressing-gown-clad guys also got up and followed us, like some kind of bizarre parade.  The lockable bedrooms were both locked and occupied, so we went further on, through to the dimly-lit play area.  We contemplated getting comfy on one of the beds and going for it there, but the guys who had followed us were all crowding around, presumably looking for a bit of voyeuristic pleasure, or even joining in.  In fact there was one guy already sat there, forlornly masturbating in a darkened corner; the swinging equivalent of that guy on holiday who puts his towel down by the pool at 6.00am to reserve a spot.  This wasn't exactly the kind of vibe we were looking for!  I think Claire and I would have been okay with this (maybe), but Rachel and Carl were less than keen!

So we headed back down the corridor, and eventually found the lockable dungeon room was free; the four of us piled in, and managed to lock the door on the zombie-like following herd of horny guys.

The dungeon room had a soft flat surface, a wooden chair with hand and arms straps, a pommel-horse style device, a crucifix, and not a lot else!  Not exactly romantic!  It was the other couple's first ever time swinging, so at this point Claire and I were the "hardened veterans" at swinging, so to speak.  With Claire looking gorgeous as ever, I was a particularly hardened veteran....  We decided to start out with our respective partners, and take it from there.  We all got naked, and the guys started out going down on the ladies.  Claire has mentioned it before, and I'm sure it is true; guys that are in to swinging are generally very into giving oral sex.  I know I love it, and the other guys we've met so far do too.

We stayed with our own partners for a while, but soon the ladies were having some mutual boob fondling and stroking, and before you knew it the ladies were kissing.  From there, everything flowed very nicely, with some mutual oral sex.  The fun and games were interspersed every few minutes with footsteps from the corridor, and occasional shaking of the door, as people checked to see if the room was occupied or not.  This made it a little difficult to keep to the task at hand, but if there is one thing swinging is teaching me, it's to focus on the sexy bits and try your hardest to ignore distractions.

At one point, about fifteen or so minutes into proceedings, we had collectively reached a natural pause, wondering what to do next, so I suggested both the ladies went down on Carl.  He gave me this look, worth a thousand words, that said "Thank you! I shall never forget you for this!".  I'm like a swinging Santa Claus, spreading happiness and joy wherever I go! We culminated proceedings with me fucking Claire, and Carl fucking Rachel, in what I can't help but think of as a "Race to the finish" in which everyone is a winner!

Good fun!  We got cleaned up - the room, rather thoughtfully, had kitchen roll in it, just by the crucifix - and dressed, and headed out back to the communal seating area.  We had a bit of a chat when we were getting dressed, with Carl telling me how much he had enjoyed things, and how he appreciated our laid-back and non-pushy approach.  Claire and Rachel were at this point swapping phone numbers for future meets!  We headed out into the night together, and headed home.

Overall then, a positive experience in the swinging club.  This place was not the ritz; hell, with fading decor and pervy men in dressing gowns it could have been a mental hospital.  It genuinely felt more like an industrial unit than a club; it was a little too cold, a little too angular, and a little too faded for my liking.  Having said that, the vibe - while a little desperate at times - was pretty much "anything goes", and whilst there were plenty of single guys there, there were other ladies and couples there too, and no-one was overly pushy.  We met a great couple there, and I've no doubt that if we wanted a more porn-movie type experience, rather than the actually fairly sensual, mutual, and intimate experiences we have had to date, this would be the place to go.  I don't know whether we'll be back to the club, but I sure hope we'll meet Carl and Rachel again!

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