Sex and Logistics

John here.

So yes, swinging happened!  I feel I can tick off all the three New Year's Resolutions - or maybe two and a half of them.  I did fuck another woman, and I did enjoy it.   Claire did get it on with another woman also, and I know she enjoyed that too.  And we did - kind of - have a foursome.  Ish.

The thing about sex with more than two people, is that it sounds really awesome in theory, but there are a lot of practical issues that you never really think about until you are there.

First problem; space.  Claire and I have a King Size bed, which is great for two.  But four? Well, you end up knocking into each other and laying down in awkward positions.  I mean, yes, seeing your missus getting it on with another guy just next to you, whilst having some new and interesting breasts to fondle in front of you is awesome and amazing: but when your neck is wedged against the headboard, and your leg has to be either hanging off the edge of the bed, or nestled against the buttocks of another man, it can be a little difficult to keep your attention to the task in hand.  It turns out size is everything; the bigger the bed / bedroom, the better.

The second problem: communication and trust.  This is something that is difficult even for couples in a long-term relationship.  I can have a forthright conversation with Claire about films, music, or decorating tastes, but if she is doing something I don't like in the bedroom, or I want to try something new, then this is a topic that needs to be approached carefully.  When you are meeting new people explicitly for sex, all that becomes much more difficult.  Do you like what I'm doing to you? Does your partner mind?  Does my partner mind?! Is that enough foreplay? Condoms now - do we use mine or yours? If we aren't all going to do it on one bed together, who goes downstairs? On the couch, or on the floor?  Is my wife upstairs having sexy times with another man, or is she even know being torn limb from limb by a crazed psychopath?  These are just some of the thoughts running through my head - and they aren't exactly the sexiest of thoughts!

The third problem was, for me, the biggest, and weirdest to deal with: getting started.  We are in a situation here where we invited another couple around to our home for the explicit reason of having sex with them.  We swapped sexy nearly-naked pics with each other before-hand.  Everyone knew exactly why we were all there.  After ten minutes in our house, I could tell the following things. The couple were exactly who they claimed they were, I was attracted to her, he was attracted to Claire, and that sexy times would happen.  So what happened?  Did we all throw off our clothes in a fit of sexy abandon and begin fornicating with the verve and energy of a Yukon bear-trapper on his annual visit to the brothel?  No!  We sat around and made polite conversation for several fucking hours before building up the guts to get started.  I cannot get across how strange a situation it is to be sat making idle chit-chat with people you are there to fuck, and feebly groping around in your mind for the guts to say - "So, are we going to sit here and talk about the weather for another hour, or shall we get on with it?"  Before your first time swinging, you have absolutely no prior experience of a situation like this to draw on.  Swinging etiquette is something bizarre and strange that I don't understand yet.  I sincerely hope I/we get better, because to me the sex-polite conversation ratio was exactly the wrong way around!

But, once we had successfully exited the awkward-zone, through judicious use of alcohol and two slamming hot chicks getting naked and sucking face, the evening started looking up! 

When I finally got my new sexual partner downstairs on our own, I suppose I had my final - more personal, individual - worry to face: would I be any good?  I love sex with Claire, and we do it a lot, and I know what she enjoys.  But it has been over ten years since I was with anybody else - that's a long time!  Would I be able to pick up on the signals correctly, and put in a decent enough showing for myself?  Well, luckily for both me and her, the answer was yes.  Things were a little difficult at first just due to being on a couch rather than a bed, but once we found a good position, things went really well.  What ended up happening (thank god) was that I got so lost in the act of sex, that I forgot about all the other little worries and concerns; it felt really good, and we both enjoyed it.

So there you go: sex with random people.  It can happen!  It can be good! Even if it is awkward at first!  I have more thoughts on all of this - particularly in terms of "refining" my New Year's resolutions - but I've blathered on enough for one day, I think!