John Here.
So, Claire has blogged a few times in a row with no input from me - I am a lazy so-and-so sometimes! Thought I'd offer my perspective on the recent shenanigans!
Claire has done an excellent job in her previous post of describing the goings on of our recent escapades. She is good at going into detail about who did what to who, and when; a blow-by-blow, if you will. I'm the type of person that often ends up over-thinking things - I also have a pretty constant internal monologue (yes, I have voices in my head - usually my own, disdainfully mocking myself. That's normal, right? Right?) - so I'll give you my version of events, with slightly less emphasis on the sexy side, and more emphasis on my insecure idiosyncrasies. Yay!
So the swinging the other night went very well - an excellent ratio of smalltalk to sex! As Claire mentioned, we talked for about maybe 25 or 30 minutes after arrival. It was pretty clear at the outset that the couple (let's call them Jack and Marcy) we met with were both up for it, had done this before, and were in the mood for fun. Jack and Marcy had both had a few beverages when we had got there, so were sufficiently lubricated. Claire had a glass of wine on arrival, and being the lightweight that she is, was soon tipsy too. I, on the other hand, had a cup of tea. So at this point in proceedings, everyone else was nice and relaxed, wheras I had rushed out of the office early (leaving myself work to do over the weekend at home), then driven for over two hours straight through unfamiliar territory, to eventually knock on the door of complete strangers, to go in and have sex with them. I've got to tell you; relaxed and at ease I was not!
The bit before you have sex with strangers is almost as weird as the bit where you are having sex with a stranger. Almost. Here, you had four people in a room, about to swap partners and get to the action. The women are making small-talk, trying to make sure everyone is comfortable, and making sure the important things - like their respective tastes in interior design - are clear and laid out on the table. The guys are eying each other up on the sly, more to make sure we aren't both serial killers than anything else. I was making early eye contact with Marcy - just to triple-check she wasn't projecting an "I'm-horribly-repulsed-by-you" vibe. (It's annoying, but even after two goes at swinging, and lots of fun sexy times, I have random bursts of low self-esteem. Sometimes I feel great - really sexy, really on top of the world! Other times I am amazed that people aren't running out of the room screaming, or just pointing and laughing. I have to keep reminding myself: I'm better in social situations that I think I am, and I worry too much, and people do not find me physically repulsive! It's just sometimes hard to shut-up my doubtful inner-monologue, especially when I can't drown it out with a glass of wine or bottle of beer.) After a thankfully brief period of time, we all head upstairs to the bedrooms.
Jack and Claire off to the smaller room (she drew the short straw this time), and Marcy and I are in the main room - very pink, with a king-sized bed in front of mirrored wardrobe. At this point, in terms of the physical side of things, this is what happened: we both stripped to underwear, she went down on me (really nice technique), we had mutual kissing and fondling, I went down on her, then condom on and sex in doggy style, then reverse-cowgirl (go look it up - I didn't just make that position up!), then old-school-missionary to finish with (what can I say; I'm a traditionalist). In terms of the mental side of things, I was kind of glad of hearing the moans of my missus from the adjoining room, and the heavily accented "Awww Yeeeahs" from Jack, as they helped to drown out my constant inner monologue/diatribe.
After Marcy and I had finished, and were lying there complimenting each other and fondling, Jack and Claire came in, and we started the whole group thing. Before I get onto my weird mental thought processes, I will just say this: having head from two women at once is exactly as awesome as I always imagined it would be, and I highly recommend it. I definitely want more of that!
Now, if you thought sex with a woman you have only just met was bad in terms of unwanted and unbidden thoughts crossing my mind, full-on group sex is even worse. The physical side of things was great - truly phenomenal in truth - but I was not able to truly relax for large parts of the proceedings, for a number of reasons.
Firstly, I was genuinely worried the bed was not going to take it! With Claire and Jack fucking in one direction, and Marcy and I in another, there was this extreme shaking and gyrating of the bed going on. I couldn't help but think of the stresses being put on the bed legs. It put me in mind of those simulations they do on models of skyscrapers, to test how well they cope with earthquakes. I was genuinely expecting us to break the bed; the fear of imminent plummeting can put you off your stroke somewhat!
Secondly, what about right of way? It's not like there is an etiquette book or a Highway Code for group-sex! Who decides who is doing what when, and with whom? The fairest way would be to put it to the vote, but the democratic process is never the sexiest of things at the best of times: a dictator is definitely needed in a groupsex situation. Jack largely fulfilled this dictatorial role for us - which momentarily left me feeling a little emasculated, put then I did have my cock in his wife's mouth, so there's only so far one can feel emasculated in that situation...
Thirdly, synchronicity caused me a problem. When having sex, a large part of the male experience is thrusting. I usually don't think about this too much. In terms of speed, I just go with the mood, and what feels right. This was working well for me to begin with; but about five minutes into the whole foursome thing, I realized I was thrusting in time with Jack. Inadvertent pelvic synchronization! There's me, actually thinking about this - wondering to myself if this is a good thing, a bad thing, or indifferent; whether it is symptomatic of my inner-concern for the stresses put on the legs of the bed; whether it would be inappropriate to high-five the other guy at this point ("Dude! Thrust-buddies!") - instead of focusing on the fact that I'm balls-deep in an incredibly sexy lady, watching my missus being nailed by another guy.
Fourthly (yes, I'm not done yet - you may be astounded by how many things actually manage to run through my mind whilst I'm having sex), I was worried about the noise. When we were all getting properly into the swing of things (if you'll mind the terrible pun), we had moans and groans, Jack giving it the old "Ooooaaar Yeeeah", Claire getting her ass slapped loudly (and even-more-loudly urging anyone who would listen to slap it harder), and the bed creaking ominously. I couldn't help but worry that there may be an old lady next door with a broken wireless radio, thinking to herself "My; The Archers really has changed in recent years, hasn't it?" over a cup of Ovaltine.
I was going to carry on with thoughts five, six and seven (respectively "the drive home", "protocol and priority for post-foursome toilet usage", and "the possibility of buying shares in a condom-maker"), but I think you get the general idea.
So; swinging is great. Group sex is great. I just need to learn how to shut my own goddam head up, and enjoy myself! Alcohol may be part of the equation (it usually is), but some of this has to be down to me. I have to say though, I am glad that it is these inconsequential things I am worrying about. I wasn't jealous of Claire being with Jack (Jack definitely had more stamina that I did in the sack, and a more muscular physique, but he doesn't have my many humorous neuroses! Hah!), and I wasn't worried about our safety, or anything like that. Our swinging experiences with other people is definitely bringing Claire and I closer together. If what I'm worrying about are the random fleeting nothings that pass through what counts for my brain, then it's so far, so good!
I promise I'll, you know, try to talk more about the squelchy side of things, and less about the other stuff next time....
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